You know, for kids

Catching Up

2007-09-23T19:57:00.000-04:00

Oh boy have I been busy. Lots of yard work and landscaping has made Otis a dull boy. I'm still not finished but I will post some progress photos for those who care at a later date. (crickets chirp)

Here are some things I've been meaning to get off my chest:

Kanye West is an asshole.

I don't know any other way to put it.

Kanye West MTV Video Music Awards 2007 Outburst; Will Never Return To VMAs

“That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance,” West said, stomping around his entourage and directing his comments at a reporter. “I’m trying hard man, I have the … number one record, man.”

He said he will never return to MTV Video Music Awards 2007.In September 2006, the Chi-Town bred rapper/super producer crashed a backstage set when he lost Best Music Video at the MTV European Video Music Awards.

Maybe MTV can start giving out participation awards. You know, like they do for 8 year olds who play soccer or little league baseball. This way it doesn't matter if your little rapper is good or bad, they all go home with an award.

Moving on, O.J Simpson is at it again. Here's another book that I thought he might release soon.

Or maybe Pete Rose can release one too.

Britney at the VMA's:

I'd still hit it.

Why is everyone calling her a big fat ass. I think she looks pretty good. We've all just been brainwashed by all of the Hollywood skeletons.

Man Kidnaps Cat, ect...

2007-09-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

Here's another great news story:

A man has been charged with extorting more than $20,000 from his elderly mother by repeatedly threatening to kidnap her beloved cat and demanding ransom, police said.

Garry Lamar, 47, was arrested Friday and released on $200 bail. He has been ordered to stay away from his 78-year-old mother, Mary Lamar Grancher.

He started threatening to kidnap his the cat just over a year ago, after his mother kicked him out of her home, accusing him of abuse, North Kingstown Police Sgt. Daniel Ormond said.

This guy is a a real winner. Actually, this story reminded me of a greeting card I saw once. It was a picture of a Teddy Bear tied up and gagged in a chair and on the inside of the card it said "Call me, or the bear gets it!"

On a personal note:

My wifes birthday is this week and I just gave her the present I've been hiding for three weeks. It's an I-pod.

I was a little hesitant to get it for her but after toying with it I think she will love it. Since it is going to be up to me to load the thing with cool stuff, I decided to go ahead and get it ready for when she opened it.

I put over 1,000 songs, 8 full length movies(all of her favorites), and about 80 pictures on it for her. So what does she do after I show her all of this neat stuff?

She plays the solitaire game that came with it for the next 15 minutes.

Women.

Nascar, Rosie, Vick and Tortoise

2007-08-21T18:22:00.000-04:00

Nascar

At work today the radio blared with the sound of a postponed Nascar race. I used to like Nascar a long time ago but I quit after my two favorite drivers(Davey Allison and Alan Kulwicki) died in unrelated accidents. I felt a little jinxed and actually joked with people that I would start rooting for a driver that I hated so maybe he would be next.

Of course that driver was Dale Earnhart. So you see, I'm actually responsible for killing Dale Sr. (Technically, I never cheered for that guy so it may be a coincidence.)

As I listened to the race, I couldn't help but think how underpaid those radio announcers are. I mean they switch back and forth from one announcer to another and each guy makes it sound like something incredible is happening right in front of them.

Of course the only thing happening is a bunch of cars going around in a circle. But the inflection in the announcers voice raises as he states..."Gorden is taking on four tires and enough fuel to finish the race!!!!!"

It's a freaking pit stop. How damn exciting can it be?

Rosie Opens Her Damn Mouth Again

It's so damn easy to hate Rosie O'Donnell. Here is the latest.

..after losing "The Price is Right" host gig to Drew, Rosie hissed to a pal that Drew's "a dated 1990s comedian" – adding that he's certain to bomb and producers will come running right back to her!

Walker says fat chance - he says that the fact is, producers ran like hell when Rosie met with them and insisted the show would work much better if she could (1) talk more to contestants, (2) fire Bob Barker's beauties and hire a chorus line of male Broadway singer-dancers, (3) remodel the show's set, and (4) throw LOTS of confetti!

While I don't think Drew Carey is that great of a talent, he is a very likable guy who does make me laugh from time to time. Rosie just makes me angry.

It's The Price Is Right anyway. How great do you have to be to host that gameshow?

Hopefully my wife's Grandmother never reads that last line. If she does, I'll never get another button sewed on or eat homemade bread ever again.

Michael Vick Pleads Guilty

Is anyone surprised that he's guilty?

See you in hell Michael.

Tortured Tortoise

And take this guy to hell with you Mike.

Tortured Tortoise returns home

A Few Videos

2007-08-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Found a few amusing videos this week to throw up on the blog.

The first one features a woman who keeps giving us people from the south a bad name. I'm sure everyone will enjoy her and her dead dog Shithead.

Name on tombstone called disrespectful

And here are a couple of Heroes spoofs. You don't have to watch the show heroes to enjoy these videos.

Random Musings

2007-08-04T11:08:00.000-04:00

I've been away for awhile because some idiot in charge at work thought it would be a good idea if they changed my schedule to 6:30 p.m. till 6:30 a.m. You can imagine, that doesn't leave much time for blogging or even sleep. Especially when you factor in that I now live almost an hour away from work.

But enough whining.

Here are some things that have caught my eye this week.

Virginia Man Goes to Jail for Using Homeless for Improper Asbestos Removal

A two-time convicted felon, has been sentenced to 21 months in prison for improperly removing cancer-causing asbestos from a government building in Roanoke, Virginia, without following federal environmental laws according to the U.S. Attorney's Office and EPA. The man also used homeless men to conduct the work.

The City of Roanoke hired the Virginia man to remove asbestos-containing material from a building in March 2004. To do the work, the man hired three homeless men, knowing they were not certified or properly trained to remove asbestos. He paid each man $10 per hour for 3 days of work.

This one hurts because it's a local story. You never think about some asshole doing something like this around here because you never see any homeless people. But they are here and they get treated just as badly here as they do in the big cities.

To Catch A Predator

My wife and I love watching those Dateline episodes where they catch the scumbags who are preying on the 13 year girls in chat rooms.

But I have to admit, I laughed my ass off when I saw this picture.

I would soooo wear that shirt.

One day, they will arrest a guy on the show wearing that shirt.

Women Painting Toes

The other day, the local radio d.j. said that in a recent poll, 7 percent of women admitted to have painted their toenails while they drove at least once.

O.K. ladies, what heck are you thinking? I must say that I'm not surprised. My own mother used to read a book while she drove. She would plop the book on top of the steering wheel and and look up from time to time to see where the road was.

And she wonders why she hit two cows and three deer before I turned the age of fifteen.

P.S.
I hope to do some more blogging this week since I'm back to my regular schedule.

The State Of Virginia

2007-07-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Thank you Michael Vick. You have given the state of Virginia another black eye with your dog fights. I know that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but this guy might end up being another O.J. Simpson. His pockets are deep and he is beloved by hundreds of thousands of deranged Virginia Tech faithful.

I'm sure by now that everyone has read about the alleged killing of dogs by shooting, drowning, hanging, and even electrocution.

How in the hell do you electrocute a dog?

Here's something that hasn't come up in most of the stories: People who run dog fights steal neighborhood dogs.

Yes it's true. They call them "bait dogs." Apparently they look for big dogs that are either young or very passive. They take them back to their kennels, cut their ears off to induce a lot of blood, and then throw them into a pit with their dogs. This helps train their dogs to be killers.

My only wish is that they would throw Vick and his buddies in one of these pits with their ears cut off.

But wait fellow Virginians, there is more good news.

Michael Jackson is moving to Virginia!

You can read all about it here.

As if the Michael Vick dog fighting story wasn't a big enough freak show for us, we get Jacko as our next door neighbor.

If only I had kids, they could go next door and play with Blanket.

Actually he will be on the opposite side of the state but that's still a little too close for comfort.

10 Year Old Runs With Bulls

2007-07-18T17:26:00.000-04:00

This is great. A woman in Spain was watching the running of the bulls on t.v. when she spots her ex-husband running. She then notices that the guy running beside him was actually her 10 year old son!

Apparently the ex-husband had visitation rights that weekend and thought it would be a great idea to take the kid out for a brisk run with the bulls.

MADRID, Spain, Jul. 17, 2007
(AP) A Spanish judge has revoked the parental visitation rights of a man who took his 10-year-old son running with the bulls in Pamplona.

Spanish television last week captured images of the boy smiling as he ran ahead of a pack of charging bulls with his father, Luis Miguel Gomez.

The images angered Pamplona city officials _ and the man's ex-wife.

According to city regulations, runners in the San Fermin festival must be 18 years old.

What could have possibly been going through that guys head? Does he not know what could happen to someone at the running of the bulls?

Take these examples for instance:

O.K., maybe 10 is a little old for balloons and those funny hats, but you're still a little too young for the old horn in the ass game.

I'll stick with pin the tail on the donkey.

Pug Bowling

2007-07-15T12:16:00.000-04:00

As the owner of a pug, I can truly appreciate this next video: Pug Bowling.

Big hat tip to Darrell.

Links

2007-07-12T20:46:00.000-04:00

A couple of quick links for everyone.

Will It Blend? Here's a great idea to sell your commercial grade blender: Make your own website that has some guy stuffing random things into a blender. You can watch him stick in everything from an I-phone to a couple of Transformers. This link will show what glow sticks look like in the blender.

Worst movies ever! This a a short video of clips from some of the worst movies ever made. Some foul language towards the end so beware.

America's Pastime

2007-07-05T20:07:00.000-04:00

Since it's the Fourth of July week and everyone is enjoying hotdogs, hamburgers, apple pie and fireworks, I'd thought I would post a couple of cool things that I found on America's pastime : Wiffleball.

First is a video of a family who plays wiffleball in their front yard. They have the beginnings of a nice stadium. At the end of the clip is a group of guys who built Fenway Park in their back yard. Very cool.

Here is a link to some pictures of a Mets fan who built Strawberry Field. I love the banners. The press box was also a nice touch. Great work guys.

M.C.F.A.T. Volume XVII

2007-07-01T12:52:00.000-04:00

Here are my answers to the Mysterious Cloaked Figure's Astonishing Test.

1) What was the first swear word you learned? (You can, of course choose to censor your answer.)

Wow. There's a great question. I vividly remember this one because my dad likes to tell this story every once in a while.

When I was in the first grade, my family moved from rural southwest Virginia to sunny Fort Lauderdale Florida. Sounds great on paper, but there's more to Florida than just sun and alligators. When we moved to Florida, I went from being the majority to the minority overnight. I really don't know if there was a single black person in my kindergarten class back home in Virginia. Suddenly, I was the only white kid in my class.

It wouldn't have been so bad if they had given me a chance, but those guys just didn't like white people. There is no other way to put it. The bus driver had to sit the white kids at the front of the bus to protect them. Kids would spray Nair hair remover in your hair, tell you not to be on the playground at certain times, and just generally make your life a living hell. Thank god our mom was able to drive us to school for the rest of the year after those first few days.

We were in Florida for a year and a half until my folks wised up and moved back to Virginia.

So back to the original question: After my first day at school, we were at the dinner table eating and my Dad says to me "How was your first day of school?"

And I said "It was O.K. Dad. But I don't like them niggers."

It's funny when my Dad tells it because he explains how I had never heard that word before we moved to Florida and describes the look on my Mother's face and how everyone but me stopped eating.

It's kind of funny how I have more memories of my youth when we lived in Florida than I do of the good times in Virginia. Sometimes I look back and at least the experience taught me to never treat someone like that because of their skin or any other difference. Racism sucks.

2) If you could have a functioning version of any comic book character's accessory or vehicle, which would you choose and why?

At first I thought Batmobile. Can you imagine the chicks you would get if you pulled up in the Batmobile?

But then I realized that I'm already married and if I picked up some chicks, I would would only own half of the Batmobile.

So I've decide to chose Green Lantern's ring. I probably wouldn't get as much cosmic uses out of it as Hal Jordan but It would be nice to walk outside and instantly have my green weed eater gassed up and mowing my grass with ease.
3) What is your least favorite exercise?

The one that involves sweat.

4) Can you keep a secret?

No because while it's strong enough for a man, it's made for a woman.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What is my middle name? (I probably won't answer this one, but it will be fun to see what people say...)

I had to look it up, but your middle name is Sebastian.

Evolution

2007-06-17T21:49:00.000-04:00

I haven't had any t.v. or internet for two weeks so I've missed out on a lot of stuff lately. One thing that has suddenly come to my attention is this article that states that chickens have evolved from the T-Rex.

Actually, the article is over two months old so obviously I haven't been paying attention very well. Anyway, the article made me wonder what other things have evolved from. So here is a short list of how I see the evolution chain.

------------------>

------------------>

---------------->

------------------->

------------------>

------------->

Well there you have it. As you can see, shit sure has evolved over the years.

I'm Back!!!

2007-06-16T10:48:00.000-04:00

Lorna said...

Otis, come back---enough gloating!

Well enough gloating, I'm back. It's been a long couple of weeks. I hate moving and I hope that this is the last house I live in until I get older and need to downsize. It's hard to move and work at the same time. I really could have used another week of vacation to unpack. We are about 80% there so I can't complain.

Moving day #1

Since we were both on vacation we had planned to move a little bit at a time during the week and then have Saturday be the "Big Day" of getting everything else. We had two pickup trucks that we were going to use on that Thursday to get a couple of loads over to the new house. My sister's husband Mike suprised us by showing up with his brand new Hummer and huge trailor attached to it. He bought the Hummer used but it looks brand new.

His Hummer is gangster. It's white with chrome all over it. This isn't a exact picture of it but it's pretty close.

If it happened to back-fire in front of a police station he would be a dead man.

Anyway, with his help and and his son Aaron, we were able to get about 75 % of our stuff to the new house.

Our driveway is really small so we let Mike back his Hummer with the trailor up the driveway and we unloaded it first. It was now time to switch vehicles. As I walked down the driveway to get into one of the pick-up trucks I noticed my new neighbor across the street.

He had taped newspaper to his old Honda car and had something in his hand. This isn't the original Honda in question either because you'll notice this one is in a garage. My neighbor's car was simply on the street in front of his house.

Of course the something in his hand was a can of red spray paint. Nothing like spray painting your car on a nice windy summer day.

As I looked at my new neighbor and realized what was happening as he painted his car, I turned and looked up my driveway as Mike made his way down in his new white Hummer.

Back and forth my head swiveled in the horror of what was about to happen. As he finally made it to the bottom of the driveway I saw a look of shock on Mike's face that was priceless. It's safe to say that his face has never made that expression before. Well, maybe the last time my sister told him she was pregnant, but that's another story.

Mike stomped on the gas as his Hummer hit record zero to 60 speeds for the neighborhood all the while pulling a huge trailor behind it. We got the other two trucks up and out of harm's way in our drive way while Mike parked the Hummer in a Galaxy far, far away.

Mike has since assured me that no red paint made its way onto the Hummer but I did notice the other day that the Hummer was sitting in his yard with a for sale sign on it.

Maybe it back-fired too close to a police sation.

Moving!!!

2007-05-28T09:19:00.001-04:00

Haven't been posting a lot because we finally found a house and have been packing. We move this week and I don't know yet what kind of internet we can get in the new area. Yes, I'm moving to an even smaller town than the one I'm in now and they don't have DSL or cable, just a lot of trees. I may have to do dish internet or dial-up. Dial-up...oh the horror.

Here is a pic of the new house. It looks much bigger in person. At least 3 times as big as that picture.

Abby can't wait to poop in that yard.

Hopefully I will be back up and running in about two weeks if not sooner.

Otis

Toss Up: Kitten Or Bear

2007-05-23T21:01:00.000-04:00

I was watching the Mets/Yankees game Sunday and saw this kitten mysteriously appear. The bear I had never seen.

Random Musings

2007-05-22T18:00:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy at work and at home. I find that when I'm at work, that's the time when strange thoughts pop into my head. Sometimes I laugh them off but other times I put them on my blog.

Here goes.

Top 5 Things That Annoy Me For Some Reason

1. I Hate It When Country music artists cover rock songs.

Where I work, all you hear on the radio is country, country , and more country. So why do these hack jobs(yes, I refuse to call them artists) have to remake all of these great rock songs and make them country. Are the songs not good enough as rock songs to be listened to by rednecks? Let me guess, you can make the song sound better than Aerosmith did originally? I don't think so. Wait, let's cover an Eagles song. Like the Eagles didn't already have a country kind of sound to them anyway. Attention hack jobs: Write your own damn music and lyrics!

2. I Hate The Smell Of Babies.

I know, I know. I'm going straight to hell for this one, but I can't stand the smell of babies. I know what you're thinking: "What kind of monster doesn't like the smell of babies? Next he'll say the Mona Lisa is ugly." Well for some reason I don't like that smell and there is nothing I can do about it. And yes, once again, I'm going hell. And I'm sure that Satan's feet probably smell like babies, so there's your ironic punishment.

3. I Think The Mona Lisa Is Ugly As Sin.

I thought that dude was supposed to be a great painter? The Mona Lisa? He should have painted a pork chop tied across that bitches neck for Christ's sake! Oh wait a minute, I'll do it.

4. I Hate Civil War Re-enactments.

How many times do they have to fight that damn war already? The outcome is never gonna change people. Go watch the outlaw Josie Wales and play paintball on the weekends.

"We're gonna kick your Yankee asses this time."

5. I Hate It When Women Drive Barefooted.

What is the deal with women taking off their shoes when they drive? Oh my god, that is so weird. Does that give them more control of the car? Does their bare feet give them better control of the pedals? Hell no. All it does is make me nervous and cancel out that refreshing scent of pine from the tree hanging on the rear view mirror.

Pimp'n Aint Easy

2007-05-12T09:21:00.000-04:00

Move over Michael Vick. It looks like having an estate full of malnurished fighting dogs isn't gonna make the headlines today. Listen to this:

Former Steelers linebacker Richard Seigler -- who was out on bail yesterday -- controlled two prostitutes in Las Vegas last year while he was a member of the team, according to a Nevada police affidavit.
The Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department vice squad's investigation of Seigler's cousin, Billy Cooks, a known pimp, uncovered Seigler's actions. Through several phone calls placed by Cooks from a Las Vegas jail, police determined that Seigler had at least two women working for him as prostitutes.
The Steelers released Seigler, 26, Thursday, shortly before he was arrested around 6 p.m. on a fugitive warrant from Nevada. He was charged with pandering, pandering by furnishing transportation and living from the earnings of a prostitute. If convicted, Seigler faces one to 10 years in prison.

Good job by the police department notifying the Steelers that they were about to arrest him so that the organiztion could release him to cut their ties with him.

I've never heard of Seigler and I'm a Steelers fan. Obviously he is not a star or even a backup that plays a lot so you probably will never hear his name again. But this still gives the NFL another black eye this off-season.

These guys need to get a hobby instead of going to strip clubs and dog fights. I mean, the highlights of my week include MCF's Perilous and B13's What Is It Friday.

Maybe I need to get out more.

Full Metal Jacket For Wii

2007-05-11T00:04:00.000-04:00

Check out the video for the newest game for Nintendo Wii. It's based on the movie Full Metal Jacket. You gotta love those interactive controllers!

Casting Call

2007-05-06T21:50:00.000-04:00

While we were driving home late last night, Mrs. Otis and I were tired and started talking about random stuff just to keep each other awake. Anyway, when we get tired we get silly. So for some reason we started a conversation about the seventies show Land Of The Lost. We thought it would be great if they made a new movie about the show so we spent the next twenty minutes casting the show.

Of course we wanted Will Farrell to play the lead as Marchall, hoping to make the movie as funny and campy as possible.

We thought we had a great original idea. But low and behold I found this link that says that Will Farrell has already been cast to play the lead in the Land Of The Lost movie. Darn.

But we decided to go ahead and post our casting anyway.

Will Farrell as Marshall.

Jaimie Lynn Spears as Holly.

Tom Welling as Will.

Phil Spector as the Sleestacks.

Rosie Odonnell as the T-Rex.

Sanjaya as Chaka.

Well there you have it. Our version of Land Of The Lost. Feel free to add your castings as well.

Deer Visit Retirement Home

2007-05-06T21:13:00.000-04:00

NEW OXFORD, Pa. -- A pair of deer took a quick tour of a retirement home after one accidentally triggered an automatic door.

The animals were wandering near the home Wednesday when one stepped on a mat that triggered a clear sliding door, according to staff members and surveillance tapes.

"The joke afterward was that they were trying to get in because it was taco day," said Frank Buhrman, spokesman for Cross Keys Village/The Brethren Home Community.

The deer ran down a hallway where two staff members were waiting for an elevator. The shocked staffers went into a cafeteria service area and closed the door, Buhrman said.

One deer walked into the elevator, but left before the door could close and take it to another floor, Buhrman said.

The deer then split up. One made it to a loading dock area and escaped through another automatic door. The other jumped through a window, Buhrman said.

New Blog Link

2007-05-06T21:02:00.000-04:00

I've stumbled upon a new blog that I really like. I'm very prudent in who I link to so I really hope that everyone that reads my blog will check out It's...El Queso Grande!.

I thought about just stealing his stuff and putting it on my blog but I figured I better give this guy his own credit. I think you guys will like it.

MCF's Perilous! 3.II

2007-05-06T10:10:00.000-04:00

Let's review how the game works. MCF's Perilous! is a quiz in reverse. MCF posts ten answers. We get one week to come up with the corresponding questions and post them on our blogs. Next week, MCF will reveal the questions he was thinking of, along with everyone's scores.

1. 6.66.
In inches, how wide will paris Hilton's window be in jail?

2. “No, I want to be a father!”
What is a phrase that you will never hear me say?

3. Mystery Sock.
What do you usually get when dressing in the dark?

4. Eleanor.
When he was a kid, what was the name of MCF's hamster?

5. My frisbee.
What is the one thing that MCF's dog has bitten more than the mail-man?

6. As a reminder.
What is one of the uses for string?

7. William Devane.
Do you mean William DeVoe?

8. Giddy.
How does this picture make you and Yasser Arafat feel?

9. My own helicopter.
Instead of buying the General Lee, what should MCF have spent his money on?

10. Tim Minear
Do you mean Greg Kinear?

Goonies vs. 24

2007-05-02T17:19:00.000-04:00

Here is a clip from the latest episode of the t.v. show 24. Nobody knows how to extract information out of someone like Jack Bauer.

This clip is a little graphic.

Read This

2007-04-24T20:46:00.000-04:00

Click on this link. I don't have to write anything about it because it is it's own punchline. I look forward to any comments.

4 Year Olds Are Tough

2007-04-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

I wish I was as tough as this kid. I also want to know where his parents were.

MCF's Perilous! 3.I

2007-04-23T21:23:00.000-04:00

Late as usual here is my answers or questions to MCF's Perilous 3.1! They keep getting harder and with so much going on this week, I have to admit that my questions kinda suck.

1. The color of her hair.
When a woman turns 40, what does she change almost as often as her underwear?

2. Bunnies!
What are scattered around Hugh Hefner's swimming pool?

3. As of right now, the first one.
Who's my favorite bunny in the picture?

4. “I've known her all these years.”
How would most men describe their relationship with their sister?

5. Two percent.
What chance do I have of ever winning MCF's Perilous?

6. Yes, as preposterous as the premise may be.
Will MCF give me 10 points for my answers today?

7. He changed the channel and put on wrestling, instead.
What did MCF do when Sanjaya sang on American Idol?

8. Nothing but contempt.
What feelings does Sanjaya have for Simon Cowell?

9. I stapled them together.
What does MCF do with all of his receipts?

10. A “vesuvius”.
What might be the inspiration for the painting "The Scream?"

Your Attention Please

2007-04-15T08:56:00.000-04:00

A former Mets minor-leaguer was so jealous of his girlfriend's pet cat, Norman, that he shouted, "You love that cat more than me" during a drunken fight - then brutally beat the tabby to death, prosecutors said yesterday.

What the hell is wrong with people? You can read the entire sick story here. The guy's name is Joe Petcka and apparently he is an actor now who was a semi regular on Sex In The City so he can't be calssified as just some dumb jock.

Don't all men realize that we play second fiddle to our significant others pets? I certainly know where I stand in the food chain at my house. Mrs. Otis-> Abbie -> Me.

I'm perfectly fine with that because I don't ever want Mrs. Otis doing that baby talk thing to me. "You a good boy? You a good boy? You love your momma?"

Star Wars Rap

2007-04-14T16:31:00.000-04:00

Warning, this is pretty vulgar. And of course, Jar Jar ruins it.

Move over Spuds McKenzie

2007-04-14T16:26:00.000-04:00

Waiting On An Apology

2007-04-14T00:08:00.000-04:00

Don Imus has been fired after apologizing to the Rutgers women's basketball team. Way to go Al Sharpton. I don't really car about Imus. As a teenager, I would listen to WFAN at night because I'm a Mets fan. His show was on in the morning so all I ever heard were snippets that they played to promote him. I wasn't impressed.

I just hate to think that Al Sharpton can get someone fired.

My question is, where is Al Sharpton's apology?

This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 18, 2006

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Two Duke lacrosse players have been arrested and charged with rape among other violent crimes. They are free on $400,000 bail. As you may know, the students attended a party where a stripper hired by the lacrosse team said she was raped. With us now civil rights activist Reverend Al Sharpton. Is this a racial issue?

REV. AL SHARPTON, CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST: I think that there are certainly a lot of racial factors. Whether it is directly in the case, we'll see, because some reports said that there was racial language used. But I think that when you look at the racial atmosphere, when you look at the fact that there again were the allegations of racial statements, when you look at a lot of people feeling that they have been treated differently, where this girl has basically had a character charged in the media, there is a lot of racism that's in the air. Having said that, I commend a lot of the blacks and whites who stood vigil and to come together in that community to stand up for this girl. So I think in the midst of this, there is some good.

O'REILLY: Why are we standing up for the girl if there is the possibility, based upon evidence, that the girl may have fabricated the story? Why don't we all pull back and let the authorities investigate and let the legal system work?

SHARPTON: Well, first of all, the authorities have charged there was a crime, so they are not saying that at all. Second of all, people on any side of an argument have the ride to advocate on behalf of who they believe. Thirdly, I think that when the prosecutors went forward, they clearly have said this girl is the victim, so why would we be trying the victim and not the...

O'REILLY: I don't want to try anybody, but there is enough evidence that has surfaced here. We have evidence that DNA doesn't match the kids. We have evidence that ABC News uncovered that there is a recording made by a security guard who looked at the victim after she said she was raped and said there was no problem and we have a police officer who found the victim drunk in a car in a 7-Eleven who phoned it in before she went to the hospital. So when you have three elements like that, I say there is reasonable doubt right now. You know what the grand jury proceeding is.

SHARPTON: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: It's a one-sided proceeding.

SHARPTON: But I think that all of the facts that you have laid out the DA had — and I know this DA is probably not one that is crazy. He would not have proceeded if he did not feel that he could convict. So it tells me that all of what you said is either not true or he has convincing evidence that would certainly knock that out and no one is not letting him proceed. You know, a lot of those community leaders down there, pro and con, wanted a lot of people to come in. I know for a fact asked Jesse Jackson to come, we said we don't want to be (INAUDIBLE)...

O.K. Al. Where's your apology to those three kids from Duke?

Oh and for the record, that D.A. has apologized.

MCF's Perilous! 2.V

2007-04-08T21:11:00.000-04:00

For those who don't know or remember, MCF's Perilous! is a quiz in reverse. MCF posts ten answers. You get one week to come up with the corresponding questions and post them on your blogs.

1. Zombie Shakespeare.
Who said the phrase "But, soft! What light through yonder window brains?"

2. Sparta.
Where do the only 'real men' come from?

3. Sometimes you have to walk through fire.
Why doesn't MCF want be a fireman?

4. Because then I might have a sense of satisfaction, now.
Why do I never get all of my chores done?

5. What question am I asking?
What is the reason for this meme?

6. A cell phone, a credit card, and internet access.
What are the three easiest ways to meet women?

7. Garlbes.
What happens to your speech when you try to talk with a mouth full of vanilla wafers?

8.

?

9. The whites of my eyes.
After a night of karoke at a bar, what is usually blood-shot?

10. Most of my snail mail.
What does MCF constantly delete?

Sand Sculptures

2007-04-08T20:51:00.000-04:00

You know it's a slow day when I start posting pictures of sand sculptures. But I thought these were pretty cool. Plus summer is right around the corner!

Sand and water are the only materials allowed in the World Championships. Having each tiny grain of sand in contact with tiny droplets of water is what holds the sculpture together. Compressing the sand and water by pounding it into forms is one of the easier ways to achieve this.

The real enemy of the sculptures is a hot, dry wind that sucks the moisture from the sculpture and allows individual grains of sand to blow away in the wind. Rain, even heavy rain, actually strengthens the sculpture. After the sculptures are carved, we spray each completed sculpture with a product called "WeatherTect II" which is a water-soluble polymer that helps keep the water in. WT II is bio-degradable and environmentally friendly & was developed by the U.S. Navy to stop the erosion of sand dunes. Even WT II will not keep a sculpture intact if it wasn't built properly in the first place.

The compition was between Sept. 5-10, 2006.

Just Say No To UNC

2007-04-06T13:17:00.000-04:00

Just a reminder to all parents to brainwash their kids so that they hate the UNC Tarheels.

Love That Cocaine!!!

2007-04-01T17:48:00.000-04:00

Finally, a toilet for Paris Hilton and Britney Spears!!!

300, the PG version

2007-03-25T23:19:00.000-04:00

Everyone loves 300 right? Well, as you might imagine, some parents wont allow their kids to see it due to the language and violence. Well now there is a PG rated version of 300 out.

I think this version is exactly what Frank Miller envisioned when he wrote 300.

Trust me when I say, you dont want to miss this!

PC Playtime

2007-03-25T23:08:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder what your PC does while you are out?

Well click here to find out!

MCF's Perilous! 2.IV

2007-03-24T22:49:00.000-04:00

For those who don't know or remember, MCF's Perilous! is a quiz in reverse. I post ten answers. You get one week to come up with the corresponding questions.

1. I'm going to use it to clear all 100 levels.

When playing video games, what do you use your boomstick for?

2. Because at my age, I don't think The Transformers: The Movie is a socially acceptable choice for that.

Why won't MCF make-out with a chick at his next movie viewing?

3. 617.

How many seconds did it take me to photoshop the last picture?

4. September 11, 1984.

When was the last time I made out in a theatre?

5. “The cowards never started./The weak died on the way./Only the strong arrived./They were Pioneers.”

How would you describe bingo night at the retirement home?

6. Boxy.

In one word only, how would you describe a Volvo?

7. Heroes and Law & Order: SVU

What are MCF's two favorite shows?

8. They both went from fantasy heroes to science fiction characters.

How would you describe Bill Clinton and Al Gore?

9. Through a crowbar.

How would I like to meet Bill Clinton and Al Gore?

10. B12

What was B13's father's name?

Bo Jackson

2007-03-23T20:32:00.000-04:00

Bo Jackson was the original two-sport athlete who starred as a running back and as an outfielder in baseball. I think this next video adequately captures his talent on the football feild.

Bill Hicks

2007-03-23T19:26:00.000-04:00

"See, I think that drugs have done some good things for us, I really do. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then do me a favor, when you go home tonight, take all your albums, all your CDs, all your tapes and burn them. Because you know what? All the bands that made all that great music that has enhanced your lives over the years? Real fuckin' high on drugs. The Beatles were so high they even let Ringo sing a few songs."

That is probably the most famous quote ever said by comedian Bill Hicks. I came across what is said to be his last interview recently and thought I'd post it.

March Popcorn Madness

2007-03-20T17:38:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know, I live the wonderful state of Virginia. This is ACC basketball country. We love our college basketball down here and I always root for the Virginia Cavaliers. I like football too, but college basketball has been and always will be the number one sport for me. It just seems like on any given night, anyone can upset a team even if they have more talent.

I've watched some great ACC coaches in my 36 years as well. Dean Smith, Jim Valvano, Lefty Drissell, and Terry Holland. O.K., maybe not Terry Holland.

But in all my years I have never seen this. I can't imagine any kid getting away with this on an ACC coaches bench. Maybe it's just me.

300

2007-03-18T16:12:00.000-04:00

I finally saw 300 Saturday. I had to fly solo because Mrs. Otis had other things to do and wasn't keen on seeing it anyway. I'd have to say she made a good decision because she would have hated it.

3oo is a cross between Gladiator and Sin City. In other words, it's not for women.

When I left the theatre I craved beef jerky.

I also had the burning desire to read Sports Illistrated.

If I had a spear in the trunk of my car, I would have drove around the neighborhood looking for someone to impale.

While I don't think the movie is Oscar worthy, it is outstanding for what it is supposed to be: A manly movie. A Frank Miller graphic novel brought to life. The music is powerful and the fight scenes are a feast for the eyes. This is definately one movie I will own on DVD.

MCF's Perilous! 2.III

2007-03-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

Late as always, here's the new edition of Perilous.

1. That’s much too long.
How would MCF describe the news coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's death?

2. Using a nail and surprising simian-like agility.
What is so easy, a caveman can do it?

3. “Not the bang!”
Tired of the countless "mock suicides" Vicki Vale was at her wits end when she screamed what phrase at the Joker?

4. A job.
What is Star Jones still looking for?

5. Forget anyone else is there.
What's the second best thing a stripper can make you do?

6. Because he’s so dark and likes dirty laundry.
Why does Don Henley go to the tanning bed every week?

7. Two wheels.
What was Luke Duke famous for driving on?

8. He might not.
Will Steve Rogers come back from the grave?

9. It’s the first gig of the season.
What do you call a concert played on September 22?

10. At a student art exhibit in college.
Where is this image on permanent display?

Rest In Peace

2007-03-08T17:55:00.000-05:00

Captain America is dead.

Even though he's not one of my favorite comic book heroes, I feel like Marvel is screwing everyone on this. Captain America is an American Icon to thousands of comic book readers. It's kind of like killing Uncle Sam. You just don't do it.

I'm sure that Mavel will have another guy replace Steve Rogers as the Captain, but it just won't be the same.

Perhaps they should have learned a lesson when DC Comics killed Superman or had people running around pretending to be Batman.

Give me a break.

Give me back Captain America.

Grayson!!!

2007-03-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

From the people who brought you Batman Returns... O.K., well maybe not. But this is worth a look.

I'm Still Alive!!!

2007-03-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

You know you've been away for far too long when your wife asks you why you haven't posted anything on your blog lately and other bloggers start calling you out. Actually, Darrell has been trying to out me for a while now but that's a whole different story.

I guess the easiest anwer is that I've been stressed over looking for a new house. We haven't had much luck and I've been letting it get to me.

Here's our problem. We need to find a house at a relative equal distance between both of our jobs. Ideally giving each of us a 35-40 minute drive to work. Unfortunately all of the real estate in that area is so overpriced it's rediculous. I don't mind paying a high price for a house, but I'm not going to pay a lot for a house that is either too small or needs a lot of work.

It seems like all of our weekends are taken up by house hunting and the weekdays are spent by working overtime at work. So I guess I need to find time to blog. I still enjoy it. I just haven't written or read any blogs in a while.

I promise that I will try to get back into blogging as much as I can. For now it looks like I got a lot of reading to do.

I do have a good video for everyone to watch so check it out. It is a bit on the long side.

Random Video

2007-02-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

If all of my furniture was like this chair, I would have plenty of room in the house for all of Mrs. Otis' crap!

Winter Is Here!

2007-02-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

As I walked across the bridge to go to work at "Covington Mill" the thermometer read nine degrees. Yes nine. It was so cold that the river had frozen spots all over it. As I type this, I know that I have to go into work at 11:00 P.M. and do snow removal work. We are expecting 3-6 inches of snow to fall tonight.

It makes for a long day because I have to work my regular day shift as well. I found this neat video while looking around the web. Check it out.

This strange weather phenomenon happened in Newfoundland where the waves were actually frozen as they crashed on the beach.

Perilous 5!!!!

2007-01-28T20:45:00.000-05:00

Late as always, here is this weeks Perilous 5. It seems like I can never get around to blogging until Sunday.

1. A one-inch vertical scar.

What does MCF have on his face that he tries to hide with facial hair?

2. Fat Albert.

Bill Cosby did his best work on what t.v. show?

3. Initially, I was convinced there were two different actresses.

When MCF first saw the movie The Parent Trap, what were his thoughts?

4. “Can you dig it?”

What catch phrase was first used in the movie The Warriors?

5. 010010000110111101110111001000000111011101101111 01110101011011000110010000100000011110010110111101 11010100100000011101110111001001101001011101000110 01010010000001110100011010000110100101110011001000 00011100010111010101100101011100110111010001101001 01101111011011100010000001101001011011100010000001 10001001101001011011100110000101110010011110010011 1111

If MCF was a robotic dog, his bark would sound like what?

6. Donald Sutherland.

Who originally played Hawkeye Pierce?

7. A rap battle.

What almost never breaks out in the lunch rooms at school?

8. Because he's just that white.

Why can't you see white paint on an albino?

9. “Ice Ice Baby, to go, to go...”

"Go Ninja Turtle, Go Ninja Turtle"... what is the next line to this Vanilla Ice hit?

10. You would explode on contact.

If I was a Mentos and you dropped me into a 2 liter bottle of soda, what would happen to me?

11. Mash up leaves in a plastic bucket full of water.

Instead of raking, what does MCF prefer to do in the fall?

12. His black costume.

What is MCF most looking forward to seeing in the Spiderman 3 movie?

13. A room full of college girls in their underwear.

What would keep MCF from seeing Spiderman 3 on opening night? (sorry guys, no picture included)

14. No, I'm 98% sure that she already knows that story...

Does MCF ever tell his mom how he got that scar?

15. They would be stone by day.

Originally, the idea for the first Transformers was rather boring because of what?

16. Terminator 3.

What is the last movie Governor Arnold was in? (I can't spell his last name, I'm not even sure I got Governor right)

17. He was there to show kids people like him could be handicapable, and to explain alien technology to aliens.

What does the teen counselor at space camp have to do?

18. The dimwitted son of a garbage man.

Who was Lamont, the big dummy?

19. It was impossible to land.

After building a landing gear-less airplane, the engineers realized what?

20. To get an “Innie”.

What is the worst reason you could have to get plastic surgery?

Just Plain Stupid

2007-01-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

Well the Vick's are at it again. This time it's Michael Vick making the headlines.

Vick tried to sneak his weed onto a plane by hiding it in an aquafina bottle that had a secret storage compartment. Apparently Vick didn't realize that you can't take water on a plane either.

Last April, Vick settled a lawsuit filed by a woman who claimed the player knowingly gave her herpes. In November, Vick made an obscene gesture toward Atlanta fans who heckled the team as it came off the field after a 31-13 loss to New Orleans. Vick apologized profusely, paid a $10,000 team fine and donated another $10,000 to charity.

We'll see if another apology is acceptable by Miami police.

Movie Review

2007-01-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

I usually leave the movie reviews to Darrell and Wendy at Filmgeeks but I wanted to talk about the movie I saw today. Guillermo Del Toro's Laberinto del Fauno, El. Or as my people call it, Pan's Labyrinth. (My review will be vague so I won't give any spoilers to those who care about that sort of thing.)

Mrs. Otis and I take turns picking the movies we watch and luckily it was my turn to pick. She didn't know a whole lot about the movie and her reaction when subtitles appeared on the screen was priceless to say the least. But since I've made her watch other foreign films in the past that have turned into "our movies" she didn't bitch too much.

It's hard to explain the plot of Pan's Labyrinth without making it sound rediculous so I won't even try. The best way that I can sum it up in a few words is that it is like a brutal fairy tale. The most brutal fairy tale you will ever see. Trust me when I say this, DON'T TAKE THE KIDS TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

The violence is very graphic and there is plenty of it. I admit to wincing during several scenes. I say this to warn you about the brutality of the movie, not to scare you away from watching it.

I think it is a wonderful movie, like nothing else I have ever seen. It's the kind of movie that sticks with you long after you have watched it. Del Toro has done a wonderful job creating such a bleak mood for the movie. It is such a dark world that it makes the viewer wish for a miracle to happen to its inhabitants. It's almost like a roller coaster ride of horrors and hope.

The creatures in the underworld are as good as any seen in todays modern horror movies. But even with all their makeup they are not nearly as frightening as the "wicked stepfather" in the story. Sergi Lopez plays Captain Vidal, the wicked stepfather in the story and he is terrific. He truly gives an Oscar worthy performance.

Ivana Baquero whos plays the lead as Ophelia was also terrific. She reminded me of a young Audrey Tautou.

Here is the trailer for Pan's Labyrinth.

Paula Abdul Shit-Faced

2007-01-14T17:05:00.000-05:00

Hat tip to Diana Prince for this video.

MCF's Perilous! IV

2007-01-14T15:08:00.000-05:00

Round 4 of MCF's Perilous and the answers are getting even harder. I'm a bit late with my entries because I've gotten a little lazy. But here goes:

1. From toxic waste.
How was Matt Murdock blinded?

2. Toes.
Where does some jam come from?

3. I kept flashing the biggest, cheesiest teeth-displaying smile I could after each reading.
What did MCF do when he finally received the three back issues of Maxim magazine that he had been waiting on?

4. Future Ted tells his kids to practice abstinence before marriage, while present Ted was sleeping with a girlfriend who had yet to tell him she loved him.
What is the plot to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure III?

5. George Takei.
As he gets older, what gay Star Trek star becomes more and more strange?

6. 24.
What show's premiere is MCF looking forward to?

7. 30.
At what age do you start to feel over the hill?

8. Accidentally turning and whacking a mentally-challenged girl in the head with a metal pipe.
What does MCF feel most guilty about doing in his lifetime?

9. A tank full of hot girls.
What does MCF feel most guilty about NOT doing in his lifetime?

10. A tank full of unspeakable insects.
What would be the worst thing you could make MCF sit in on Fear Factor?

11. Greg Lee.
Who played Carmen Santiago?

12. I was afraid of getting water on my face.
In middle school, why did MCF insist on using a straw at the water fountain?

13. ...23 38 61...
What are the measurements of a Hershey Kiss?

14. Smaller than a nickel, but larger than a dime, and brown.
How would you describe a chihuahua's poop?

15. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.
What is the cheat code to Contra?

16. Grant filing the meat.
What happened on the Mary Tyler Moore show that I must have missed?

17. James; Sean; Charles.
What are three names that MCF's parents almost named him?

18. Her nipple.
On the series Seinfeld, what could be seen in Elaine's christmas card?

19. Tamers.
I might call them crazy, but what do some people call the guys who go into cages with lions?

20. A pickle suit.
What is going to be MCF's costume at next years Halloween party?

Tigger Attack

2007-01-14T14:30:00.000-05:00

Darrell at Southcon reported the other day about a terrible crime that took place at Disney World when Tigger viciously attacked a young kid.

Home video of a costumed Tigger character apparently punching a boy in the face and knocking him back at a Walt Disney World theme park has prompted an Orange County Sheriff's investigation into the incident and led to the suspension of the cast member, according to a Local 6 News report.

The Monaco family of New Hampshire said they were visiting a Disney theme park and posing for a photo with Tigger when the character landed a hard punch.

"You don't come here for this," father Jerry Monaco said…

"At first I was upset at my son," Monaco Sr. said. "I thought he did something to Tigger. But then I review it and it is pretty clear, for no reason he just clocked him in the face."

Well all this got my curiosity so went to Youtube and found the video.

After watching this, I have to side with Tigger. It looked like the kid was screwing with Tigger's costume and was given a love tap to quit it. The boys father was so upset that he kept taking MORE pictures as Tigger stayed and posed with his other kids. How does the Sherriff get involved with something like this?

Then again, I don't have kids so I may not see things the same way as someone else who has them will.

The Humor Scale

2007-01-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

Got this off of Rey's A Point. I took the test but have no idea what it means. Try it out for yourself.

the Wit

(85% dark, 34% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm
talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -

If you're interested, try my best friend's best test:
The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on darkness
You scored higher than 99% on spontaneity
You scored higher than 99% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

MCF's Perilous III

2006-12-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

MCF has already put out his third edition of Perilous and the questions (or should I say answers) keep getting harder. Here is my submission.

1. Cosmos.
Where does the Silver Surfer hang out at?

2.Donner.
What's a really bad costume theme for a party?

3. Blixem.
If MCF decided to make up a word, he would call it what?

4. Donna Dixon.
Who is married to Dan Akroyd?

5. Sleepy
Who was MCF's favorite Smurf?

6. Doc
Who was MCF's favorite dwarf?

7. That was how he got to Luchow's.
When Rey saw the taxi cab outside the resturaunt, what did MCF tell him?

8. “COLOSSUS!!!”
Technically speaking, which X-men has no business fighting Magneto?

9. “Did they teach you that fancy psychology in college?”
What's the standard response by his parents to MCF when he says something profound?

10. Haim Saban; Paul Dini; Bruce Timm
Who produces kids shows that MCF watches as an adult?

11. Alfred E. Neuman.
Who was on the cover of the first magazine MCF ever bought?

12. Because I threw his leather coat out of the car when he dared me not to.
Why did MCF's dad kick his ass when he was 12 years old?

13. Rey.
Who got MCF into photography?

14. They make saliva.
Why does MCF avoid camels?

15. “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”
What phrase was probably said on Star Trek?

16. Hyperballistic.
What sounds like the name of a hot new videogame?

17. A single, thick eyebrow.
On the t.v. show M.A.S.H., what was Donald Penobscott's distinguishing feature?

18. It could summon help, warn of danger, grow in size, cast energy blasts, act as a shield, and unlock an ancient tome.
What can the Green Lantern's ring do?

19. Eye contact.
When faced with a large breasted woman, what does MCF have trouble keeping?

20. Lettuce, Flan, and genuine Chinese food.
What is MCF's definition of a balanced meal?

How To Prank A Telemarketer

2006-12-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

Found this link to some audio from a radio station's morning show. This is very funny stuff.

Click Me

Don't Mess With The Donald

2006-12-24T14:19:00.000-05:00

I will never say anything bad about Donald Trump. This guy went mafia on Rosie O'donnell. If I liked Rosie I would feel sorry for her but alas, I have disagreed with everything she has ever said.

The Cost Of Winning

2006-12-21T22:40:00.000-05:00

Virginia Tech has a nationally ranked football team almost every year but at what lengths do they go to have a winner. Ever since Michael Vick put them on the football map, coach Frank Beamer has recruited one thug after another to keep the program winning.

Some recent examples:

Derrius Monroe - originally suspended “indefinitely" after he was
indicted on cocaine distribution charges. As part of a plea bargain,
the charges were dropped and Monroe was placed on two years' probation
in exchange for testimony against the distribution ring's alleged
leader, Hokie football player Manny Clemente. Monroe was then
reinstated to the team…

Manny Clemente- was charged with being the trafficker who brought the
cocaine into Blacksburg from New York.

Marcus Vick- You guys know the story here. The younger brother of
Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick was convicted in May on three counts
of contributing to the delinquency of a minor after he and two
teammates gave alcohol to 14- and 15-year-old girls at their apartment
and took pictures of them stripping. On the plus side, Vick was
actually acquitted of a charge of having sex with one of the underage
gals. It looked like he might just have to sit out a few games until
his arrest on charges of reckless driving and marijuana possession
after cops pulled him over doing 86 mph. Vick conveniently sat out a
season when he was slated as the backup, but returned to the team in
time for spring practice so that he could assume the starting QB role.
After leading the team to a bowl game and stomping on an opposing
players leg, Vick was let go by the university and turned pro.

Mike Imoh- Gave vodka to 14 and 15 year old girls. Got them undressed,
took pictures while the girls lap-danced. Convicted on three counts of
contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Also sentenced to jail
time and fined. Sat out three games to start last year then returned
to starter’s role in time for WVU game.

Todd Nolen- Virginia Tech WR recruit was arrested on one count of
felony maiming and one week later he was arrested and charged with
felony attempted robbery. The arrests stem from Nolan's alleged
attempt to rob a fellow high school student of seven baggies of
marijuana. Nolen was cited for punching the student and fracturing his
jaw, while another choked him and attacked him with a knife. Nolen
suffered a cut to the face during the incident. Nolen is still listed
as a VT recruit.

Now, back to Marcus. Marcus made the news again this week because he is being sued by the 15 year old girl he had sex with all those years ago. You see, Marcus continued to see this 15 year old girl. They dated for years and everyone knew it. I knew about it and I live 120 miles away from Blacksburg. If I knew then surely the coaches and administrators at the college knew and they let this happen. The special treatment that star athletes receive is rediculous.

Some of the details in the story are a little graphic so I will let you read them for yourselves. I just find it hard to believe that a star quarterback at a university has to go looking for high school freshmen.

Back to special treatment. Virginia Tech has now installed a new innovative communication service that helps their athletes get out of tight jams. It's called Buckstar. Yes, just like Onstar but with a twist. Click here to give Buckstar a listen.

Story Of Inspiration

2006-12-20T20:02:00.000-05:00

I saw this on ESPN the other day and it really is amazing. I was touched by the love this father has for his son. They are both heroes.

Tatooine discovered!

2006-12-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

Ever wanted to travel back into time? How about into the future? What about traveling to a galaxy far, far away? Well now you can.

That is if you are a Star Wars fan. Apparently way back in 1976 George Lucus filmed the Tatooine scenes from Star Wars in the Tunisian desert. Instead of tearing down the sets after the filming, they left them all intact and they have stayed that way all these years later.

There are numerous individual photos here and the original story can be found here.

After sifting through thousands of pictures, we here at You Know For Kids have discovered that this remote locale has not gone unnoticed by the entire blogging community. It seems that a certain Myterious Cloaked Figure can clearly be seen vacationing on Tatooine, or as he likes to call it, Mecca.

May the force be with you.

MCF's Perilous! II

2006-12-13T20:47:00.000-05:00

MCF has another edition of MCF's Perilous! For those who don't know, MCF gives you twenty answers and it's up to you to give the correct twenty questions ala Jeopardy. Here are my questions.

1. Darrell
Who is the funniest blogger on your blog roll?

2. Wendy
Who probably doesn't think Darrell is that funny because she has to live with him?

3. Lorna
Who is the sweetest person on your blogroll?

4. Joseph
If you were in a living nativity scene, you would most look like who?

5. Kevin
If you were a character on The Wonder Years, you would be who?

6. Michael
What is a movie that proves that John Travolta is washed up?

7. Kelly
If you wanted to name your first born child before you knew the sex, you would name your baby what?

8. Dave
Who is your favorite late night t.v. host?

9. Hal
What's the best name for a computer?

10. Nicholas
What is another name for Santa Claus?

11. Matthew
What's wrong with this picture? -------->

12. Clint
What's the name of Ron Howard's brother who seems to be in every other movie you watch?

13. Jesse
Who's girl do you wish you had?

14. Sean
Which famous Bond do you most admire?

15. Cristina
Who always has the courage to dress like a whore?

16. Arthur
Because of your late night drinking, who do your parents think you are turniing into?

17. Whorenelli
What does Darrell think your real name is?

18. Ray
What killed Steve Irwin?

19. Kurt
What is Nightcrawler's real name?

20. Jury
What is everyone's duty, but nobody wants to do it?

Harry Potter

2006-12-10T00:18:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big fan of kids. I'm not saying I hate them, just that I can only take them in small doses. Mrs. Otis is the same as me. Otherwise, we probably never would have considered marriage. I think we both lack patience and are probably a little selfish in that regard.

Between the two of us we have seven neices and nephews. They are the best birth control anyone could ask for. I'm not saying we don't like them. We love them all, but sometimes the car ride home is like taking one big exhale of relief. It's a priveledge to be able to visit them anytime we wish, and also exit anytime we wish.

One byproduct of being around kids is that you occasionaly you get to watch kid movies. The best known kid movie franchise that I can think of is the Harry Potter series. I've seen all the Harry Potter films to date, sometimes watching them by myself. Yes it's true, I really like the series. It may be for kids but the writing is very good and all the kids in the series seem to be fine actors.

The latest movie is called Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. It's not coming out till the summer but here's the trailor.

It looks like another entertaining movie that I'm sure will pull in a few hundred million dollars. What could be better than the anticipation of that movie?

This next clip is one that makes both myself and Mrs. Otis laugh so hard that we are in tears everytime we see it. If you've ever seen a Harry Potter film, you have to watch this.

Sea World Scandal

2006-12-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

I guess everyone has read by now about the guy who was attacked by a killer whale at Sea World. Well now comes the news of the punishment for the whale.

Seinfeld, The Lost Episode

2006-12-03T17:57:00.000-05:00

Haven't seen this posted anywhere yet so I guess I'll be the first to throw it up. It's both funny and depressing at the same time.

Allergy Free Cats

2006-12-03T16:59:00.000-05:00

I love cats. It's not something most men will admit to, but I've always preferred the easy-going company of cats over dogs.

Dogs are just too in your face for me. They slobber on you, they jump on you, and their barks can be annoying in the middle of the night to say the least. I'm not saying all dogs are bad, after all we have Abby. But Abby is a little tiny dog. Some people would argue that she isn't really a dog. All I know is her breath stinks and she barks when a peice of kibbles-n-bits falls behind her food bowl.

I'm kinda getting away from the subject of my post. The reason that we don't have a cat is because Mrs. Otis is allergic to them. I think she feels guilty that I can't own a cat but it's really no that big a deal. Sometimes I wonder if a cat would get the attention it needs in our house. It's already a hassle to get someone to watch Abby when we go on trips so another pet would complicate matters even more.

Well now word comes that scientists have created allergy free cats. This may not be big news to most people but for those who want cats but can't have them because of allergies it's pretty cool to hear. I know, I make it sound like a couple whose been trying with no success to have kids. I thought I'd look into it just to see what our options were.

The company that sells these cats is called Allerca. Their website is full of pictures like this one.

The first breed of the ALLERCA GD hypoallergenic cat is friendly, playful and affectionate. The ALLERCA GD cats come in all coat colors and patterns. The coat is medium-long with low maintenance and minimal shedding.

Recent ALLERCA GD kittens (age 3 weeks). These particular kittens are already reserved and will be delivered to ALLERCA customers.

ALLERCA GD cats are medium sized cats averaging between ten and fifteen pounds (4 to 8 kg). They are fully mature at approximately three years of age and have a long life expectancy.

An ALLERCA GD cat's personality is very sweet and affectionate. They make great family pets and are wonderful with children.

It sounds so good. Look at how damn cute those kittens are! Sign me up.

All that's left now is to proceed to checkout!

Priced at US$3,950*, the cost of an ALLERCA kitten is similar or less than some of the more exotic cat breeds available today. ALLERCA offers a number of payment options to facilitate the purchase of your ALLERCA GD kitten.

Say what?

$3,950.

Meowch!

It's a cat.

It shits in a box.

Oh well, looks like I'm stuck with just Abby. And just in case you were wondering, all of the cats come either spayed or neutered so don't even think about making your own army of cheaply priced allergy free cats.

Something a little different

2006-12-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

MCFAT Perilous!

2006-12-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Leave it to MCF to come up with a crazy spin on his MCFAT 20 questions. Here's the premise: MCF gives you 20 answers. You write down the questions ala Jeopardy. It sounds simple but it's actually really challenging. Here are my answers. I mean questions.

1. Howie Mandel and Gilbert Gottfried.
What two celebrities look the same right-side up as well as up-side down?

2. Because I was bored.
Why did I bother to play this silly game?

3. Polly-O string cheese.
What is Whoopi Goldberg's hair really made of?

4. Sister Christian.
What is the greatest 80's power ballad ever?

5. Seinfeld; Prison Break; Joey.
What is a T.V. show I miss; I love to watch; and one I'm glad I'll never have to see again?

6. My finger was stuck in a hole in the desk.
What is the worst excuse I ever gave for not finishing a pop quiz?

7. A Recorder.
Besides the triangle, what instrument does Darrell of Midnight Zamboni play?

8. A refrigerator box.
Where does Whoopi Goldberg store her hair at night?

9. Peter, Cindy, and Dudley.
What are three names you could give to children but not a dog?

10. Jams.
What do you put on biscuits if no jelly is available?

11. Alcohol.
What makes ugly women beautiful at 2 a.m.?

12. Goggles.
What is Kelly Ripa forced to wear whenever she has Clay Aiken as a co-host?

13. April.
When will I finally be able to put my winter coat away for good?

14. Hold a pen properly.
What have my teachers tried to get me to do with no success?

15. Oyster Bay.
What callous nickname was given to the priest in The Exorcist?

16. Iceman, Nibbler, and Megatron.
What cartoon characters would you combine to make a giant ice robot who grunts?

17. “This can't be a dream; there are no girls!”
What was overheard in the mens room moments before George Michael was arrested?

18. He doesn't have one.
Does George Michael have a good chance at a comeback?

19. Change.
What do I always have too much of, but never enough of to amount to anything?

20. ”Sweet Christmas!”
What do the characters in the Christmas sequel to "Dude Where's My Car?" have tatooed on their backs?

New Metal Band!

2006-11-25T23:02:00.000-05:00

I wanted to let everyone know that I came across a great new metal band. Their name is Midnight Zamboni and boy do they rock. Their latest albumn is titled "Out To Lunch" and boy you better pack a lunch when you listen to this band because they rock it all night long.

Fruit Of The Loom

2006-11-09T19:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish that I was a writer for T.V. commercials. I think it would be a good job. Back when I was younger, it seemed like most commercials were very serious or had some kind of catchy jingle. When Wendy's came out with the "Where's the beef?" campaign, it seemed like advertisers finally realized that consumers wanted to laugh. Who cares about the jingle, make me laugh out loud.

One of the early commercials that always made me pay attention when I was young were the Fruit Of The Loom commercials. They had these grown men walking around in fruit costumes talking about how great their underwear was. That's good stuff.

Well now many years later those same guys at Fruit Of The Loom are still cranking out great commercials. Their lastest one is called "Blue" and has our Fruit Guys singing in a music video. When I first saw the commercial I wondered who was singing. It sounded like a cross between Cold Play and Oasis. I really liked this song. Take a look.

Well it turns out that the advertising company made up the song. I couldn't believe it. It sounds better than 90 percent of the crap they play on the radio these days. The video itself looks like 90 percent of the videos you see nowadays as well. It's just plain brilliant.

After doing a little more briefsearch, I found that Fruit Of The Loom actually has a website set up with all of their "music videos" and you can actually download the songs in mp3 form. I immediately downloaded the mp3's and thought that my buddy Darrell at Southcon would like a cd.

Darrell and I work at the same business, but work different shifts. Sometimes when I walk out to my car I find a cd placed on my windshield by Darrell. It's a very pleasant suprise to find a cd waiting for you after a long day of work. I thought I'd burn him a Fruit Of The Loom cd and wrap it in a pair of tighty-whitey briefs and leave it on his windshield.

But if someone sees me do this, I'm not sure I can handle all the rumors. So Darrell, you're on your own!

Darrell and I live in the south and are both bombarded with country music at all times. Well the Fruit Guys didn't let me down because they also have a country music video titled "You Can't Overlove." It pretty much makes fun of every cliche in country music videos.

Check out these lyrics:

Daddy wears his T-shirt in the cold Kentucky rain.
While a boy in pure white briefs looks out the foggy windowpane.
And even though his hamster died,
He finds comfort, this I swear, cuz
You can’t over-love your underwear
Cuz comfort ain’t just found in teddy bears.
And there’s no labels hangin’ anywhere.
No, you can’t ever over-love,
Over-love your underwear.

I love it. Here's that video plus one that Tupac Shakur would appreciate.

50 posts and counting!

2006-11-07T18:39:00.000-05:00

Well it's finally here, post number 50! You can all sit back down now.

I wanted to do something special for #50 but I haven't had the time nor energy to do anything really worth while. Sure I've got some ideas, big ideas, but things have been a little hectic around here lately so I didn't bother. My work atmosphere really sucks right now and it seems to be carrying over to the rest of my life. I won't go into detail but let's just say that I'm in a union and our contract is up at the end of the month. Tempers are high, authority figures are obtuse, and suck-asses abound.

I hope that wasn't too much detail. Now, onto my post.

It was years ago when I met a new guy at work who told me about a website called the Internet Movie Database. It was a terrific site that had a treasure trove of information about movies, television, actors, and just general Hollywood news. I use this site all the time for various reasons but there is one feature that I truly love.

Every movie listed has a trivia section in it. If I'm bored I like to look up a favorite movie and read the trivia facts about it. I then use these little nuggets of info on my wife and friends. There's nothing more satisfying than hearing Mrs. Otis say "really?"

Insert punchline here.

I thought that every once in a while I'd pick a movie or two and list some of the fun trivia facts about the movie here. All of the following information has been stolen from IMDB.

Today's movie is Full Metal Jacket. I'm going to assume that everyone reading this has seen the movie so I won't set up any of the facts you read below.

Anthony Michael Hall was originally set to play Pvt. Joker, but was fired for objecting to Stanley Kubrick's perfectionist style of directing. He was replaced by Matthew Modine.

Former US Marine Corps Drill Instructor R. Lee Ermey was not originally hired to play Gunnery Sgt. Hartman but as a consultant for the Marine Corps boot camp portion of the film. He performed a demonstration on videotape in which he yelled obscene insults and abuse for 15 minutes without stopping, repeating himself or even flinching - despite being continuously pelted with tennis balls and oranges. Stanley Kubrick was so impressed that he cast Ermey as Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann.

Vincent D'Onofrio gained 70 pounds for his role as Pvt. Pyle, breaking Robert De Niro's movie weight-gain record (60 pounds) for Raging Bull (1980).

(It's hard to believe that this is the same guy isn't it?)

R. Lee Ermey was involved in a jeep accident during the making of the movie. At 1:00 a.m. one night he skidded off the road, breaking all the ribs on his left side. He refused to pass out, and kept flashing his car lights until a motorist stopped. In some scenes you'll notice that he does not move his left arm at all.

Much, if not all, of R. Lee Ermey's dialogue during the Parris Island sequence was improvised. While filming the opening scene, where he disciplines Pvt. Cowboy, he says Cowboy is the type of guy who would have sex with another guy "and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach-around". Stanley Kubrick immediately yelled cut and went over to Ermey' and asked, "What the hell is a reach-around?" Ermey politely explained what it meant. Kubrick laughed and re-shot the scene, telling Ermey to keep the line.

The videotape demonstration was not the only factor which got R. Lee Ermey the role as the drill instructor. Ermey went to Stanley Kubrick and asked for the part, as the actors on the set were, in his opinion, not up to snuff. When Kubrick declined, Ermey barked an order for Kubrick to stand up when he was spoken to, and the director instinctively obeyed. That sealed the matter, and Ermey won the part as Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann

To create a realistic effect during Vietnam battle scenes, DP Douglas Milsome experimented with a camera with a shutter thrown off sync. This effect was reused in another war movie, Saving Private Ryan (1998).

To make Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann's performance and the recruits' reactions as convincing as possible, Matthew Modine, 'Vincent D'Onofrio (I)' , and the other actors playing recruits never met R. Lee Ermey prior to filming. Stanley Kubrick also saw to it that Ermey didn't fraternize with the actors between takes.

You can read all the trivia about Full Metal Jacket here.

Fight Club

2006-11-04T09:26:00.000-05:00

Been away for a while and I thought I'd throw something up here. This link is well worth the 30 seconds it takes to watch it.

Fight Club in 30 seconds by bunnies!

Evil Dead.....The Musical

2006-10-30T19:04:00.000-05:00

What in the world is going on with Broadway? First they remake every Mel Brooks movie known to man and now this revelation. Evil Dead the Musical.

If you don't know what Evil Dead the movie is, then you missed out on one of the great horror flicks of the 80's. Sam Raimi of Spiderman fame directed it and Bruce Campbell was the star. I think it was actually released direct to video way back when but it had, and still has a huge cult following(myself included). It was actually a trilogy of movies: Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and my favorite Army Of Darkness. The movies always had a dark comedy about them that could make you laugh one minute and scream the next.

I think that this just goes on to prove that people from my generation continue to be the people advertisers go after. We just happen to spend more money than any other age group right now. I guess I should feel flattered that even Broadway (O.K. maybe way off Broadway) is trying to profit off of my nostalgia. Here's what the website says:

Finally, the greatest cult series of all time is coming to the stage-as a musical-That's right-Evil Dead The Musical is here!

This hilarious live stage show takes all the bloody fun of the 80's horror films, Evil Dead 1&2, and combines them to create the craziest theatrical experience to ever hit New York. Blood will fly. Limbs will be lost. Demons will tell bad jokes. All of this and singing and dancing.

O.K., so maybe my interest is piqued enough to watch it. But how does anyone convince their wife to go to this musical? Blood will fly?

Do you eat dinner before or after the night of theatre?

Maybe I'll just take her to see Gallagher.

More From Robot Chicken

2006-10-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

Darrell over at Southcon recently posted some funny videos from Robot Chicken about Star Wars. I'm gonna steal some of his thunder and post one more that is appropriate for this time of year.

It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Street Magic

2006-10-29T01:57:00.000-05:00

I hate to admit it, but I'm a sucker for a magic act. I've been to Vegas once in my life and my buddy and I won free tickets to a magic show while we were there. It wasn't any big name(in fact I can't remember the guys name to save my life), but none the less it was a good show.

David Blaine seems to have a special on t.v. twice a year and do something that noone has seen before. I think he's getting a little weird now though. His stunts are becoming less magic and more bizzare. I think he could easily be the next Jim Jones.

I wish he would come to my house and teach Mrs. Otis how to open a can of dog food. I'm getting a little tired of performing that "magic" myself.

This next clip is one that I hadn't seen before and will surely amaze you!

Eat Woman!

2006-10-27T19:01:00.000-04:00

Nicole Richie was rushed to a local McDonald's today after suffering from malnutrition. Thanks to the professional staff, Nicole was immediately hooked up to a McShake I-V and was force fed super-sized portions of french fries.

Nicole, seen here in her grotesquely fat years during the filming of The Simple Life season one, had shrunk down to thimble proportions.

According to this story, Nicole will undergo diagnostic treatments to determine why she can't gain weight.

Paris Hilton had no comment.

Nicole's cocaine dealer also had no comment.

Gilligan's Island

2006-10-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

Everybody loves Gilligan's Island. Well, almost everybody. One thing we can all agree on, it had a kick ass theme song. Or did it?

Here is the original theme song from the pilot episode. Wow what a difference.

Thank you

2006-10-23T17:49:00.000-04:00

Wanted to say a quick thank you to Darrell at Southcon for helping me tweek my blog. You have been a very big person.... I mean help to me and I wanted to give you a little credit for a change.

It's hard for me to think of things to post and do all the html stuff at the same time and I'm glad that I always have you to fall back on. In other words, thanks for being such a big nerd.

Otis

Crazy Pet Costumes

2006-10-23T17:28:00.000-04:00

I have a couple of friends who moved to Chicago last year(Happy Birthday Amber!!). They send me good e-mails from time to time and I got one today that had pictures of Halloween costumes for pets. I thought that I would share a few on my blog.

I hope you like some of these.

This could be a young Abby.

Hopefully Sniffer doesn't need to take a crap anytime soon!

This one is my favorite.

Don't go in the water!

OMG! It's Abby as a pimp. "Where's my money bitch?!!!!!

Stonehenge Mystery Solved?

2006-10-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

A Michigan man has seemingly solved the mystery of Stonehenge. Wally Wallington has lifted a 22,000 pound Stonehenge-sized pillar without the use any equipment. Thats right, we're not talking about Spinal Tap sized stones here. This is the real deal.

Many people would like to beleive that Stonehenge was built by little green men. Obviously there is no way that man could have built something so large in scale. Well how about giving man a little credit every once in a while.

Ever since Erich von Daniken wrote Chariot's of the gods, people have been too quick to credit Martians with the many wonders that man has created. Now I'm not saying there is no such thing as aliens. I actually hope there is. But how can you give credit to someone that you really don't know for sure exists? It's like agreeing with the Dark Matter theory for space. It's all conjecture.

Check out this video and see how Wally does it.

Lady My Ass

2006-10-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

They're back. Those creatures from hell. Yes, I'm talking about the Ladybugs.

I can no longer call them Ladybugs because they are anything but lady-like. From now on they will be referred to as Hell-spawn. I thought I had ridden myself of them several days ago but today the entire neighborhood is infested. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes.

This is the view from my bathroom window. Two things can be taken from this picture.

#1. I really need to clean my windows.

#2. That's a lot of Hell-spawn.

Now remember people, this is just ONE window pane. There are six more panes that have just as many on it. I counted how many it is but won't say it here because I'm sure Wendy is dying to count them and tell me how many in the comments.

Heres another pic of the outside this time.

I guess if they stayed outside I wouldn't mind it so much. But they always end up inside buzzing around, sticking to the ceiling, even landing on me as I type this.

I took some video of them outside but they are so small that they dont show up well enough to upload on Youtube.

I swear to you all, if I won the lottery today, I would burn my house down just to kill these little bastards.

But since I am dirt poor, I will just sit here and bitch about them.

Now I hate to end any post on a downer so here is some good news:

My sources tell me that Darrell at Southcon has been asked to host Talk Soup on the E Network. Let me be the first to say how proud we all are of you Darrell, you are my shining star.

Play It Again Sam

2006-10-17T14:34:00.000-04:00

Darrell over at Southcon has a new post about Scarlett Johansson's budding singing carreer. While I admit that this is against my wishes, when you look like she does, you can do anything you want.

Here is probably the greatest celebrity singer ever.

Skin Deep

2006-10-16T18:05:00.000-04:00

Judging from some of the comments I got from my last post, I think it's safe to say that everyone has a different opinion on what is beautiful and what isn't. That's fine with me because as my Dad says: "That's why they make more than one flavor of ice cream."

For the record, my Dad's girlfriend was always Annette Funicello. He never strayed until Cher showed up in the 70's.

You go old man.

While I was scanning MCF's links today I came across this video and thought it might be appropriate.

I think everyone will like this.

Via: VideoSift

Celebrity Reality

2006-10-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

My wife is a really big fan of reality shows. The only thing better than a reality show to her is a celebrity reality show. Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity fit club, Real World vs. Road Rules challenges, and that show about celebrities singing(I have no idea what the real name is) are just a few of ones she watches.

Of course when you live with someone you tend to watch what they watch. I keep this to a minimum by watching t.v. upstairs, playing video games, or reading blogs. Last year when Dancing with the Stars was on, I watched it all the time. The reason? Lisa Rinna.

That woman can have anything I own. I guess I should note to readers that me and the wife are allowed to have fictional celebrity boyfriends and girlfriends. She can talk about Orlando Bloom all she wants ("He can shoot a bow and arrow like nobodys business!") and I can fawn over Lisa Rinna. Actually, she's not even my girlfriend at the moment. That title belongs to Scarlett Johansson right now. She just edged out my last crush which was Mariska Hargitay.

Anyway, you get the idea. I don't want people to think that I'm just looking for a reason to post these pics of hot women. But it does make my blog look a lot nicer( Sorry Rowan).

Oh what the heck, here's Mariska if you didn't recognize her name from the show Law and Order SVU.

Daddy like.

Back to reality. Celebreality that is. Dancing with the stars this year has Mario Lopez on it which I think is hilarious. For those who don't remember, Lopez starred as AC Slater on Saved by the Bell. I feel sorry for people who get typecast as child stars. We can only hope that Mario's parents didn't steal every dime he made off of Saved by the Bell. For the record, I've never heard anything bad about the guy either like beating up girlfriends or catching his hotel room on fire. Nothing.

So why is it that I think this spoof on Mario is so damn funny? Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

There are actually five total episodes up on youtube so if you liked this one you can go there and check out the others.

2006-10-12T21:44:00.000-04:00

MCF revealed!

Cloakfest 06 is going on over at MCF's Nexus Of Improbability and if you haven't checked it out yet, please do so. As most of you all know, MCF likes to hide his true identity. Thus far, he has never revealed himself online. This year however, he has been gracious enough to give the blogging community a picture of him when he was five years old.

When people commented on the photo, a revelation was made by Wendy. And that's when it happened. Suddenly everything became very clear. MCF wasn't some average Joe who wanted to remain anonymous. He was someone famous that wanted to remain anonymous.

MCF is Rowan Atkinson. There is no denying it. The following data will back this up:

MCF is obsessed with James Bond. The last few weeks he has bombarded us with useless trivia, plot summaries, names of Bond girls, and his own various rankings of all the Bond movies.

Now, compare these two photos:

<-------same guy-------->

I know, it's eerie.

But it makes sense.

We've all read the self effacing humor that talks about his lack of luck with the ladies.

His posts about his driving.

And of course, his secret desire to become a secret agent ala James Bond.

When you are Rowan Atkinson, you need a release. This is a man that can't just go to the store to buy bread. He is too famous. I can't blame him for hiding from all those Mr. Bean groupies. They make me sick as well. Sick I tell you.

But if his blog is the only way he can freely talk about his life without being harrassed, I say lets go along with it.

Keep up the good work Mr. Bean, I mean MCF ;)

Nighmare 3-D

2006-10-08T22:45:00.000-04:00

Good news. Disney is planning on re-releasing The Nightmare Before Christmas on October 20th. This is one of my favorite animated movies, a true classic. Tim Burton and co. pulled out all the stops with this by remaking the movie in digital 3D.

I always thought that the best thing about Nightmare was the soundtrack. Danny Elfman's lyrics and music for this movie have no peer. In fact every year at Christmas, instead of listening to Bing Crosby, I listen to "Kidnap Sandy Claws."

There is a trailer here if you would like to see it, but of course it is not in 3D.

The good news doesn't end there. Disney will also release a new two disc soundtrack featuring Danny Elfman's original score, two unreleased demos, and cover tunes from his original soundtrack by various artists. Fall out boy, Panic at the disco, Marilyn Manson, and Fiona Apple (who I love but seems strange on this list) are some of the names already signed up. The albumn will be released on October 24.

This on top of the rumors that all six Star Wars movies will be re-released in 3D in 2007 makes white and nerdy bloggers everywhere very happy. I won't rest until I see the Empire Strikes Back in 3D.

Well thats about it for tonight, I gotta go to bed.

Die Bugs!!!!

2006-10-06T21:23:00.000-04:00

I've never been a big fan of insects. Whoever nicknamed them bugs was brilliant. For most of my life I have hated spiders. Most? O.K. all of my life I have hated spiders. Not the little ones, just the big ones. And the furry ones. And the really fast ones too. I'll probably never overcome that phobia but recently spiders have slipped to #2 on my list of most hated bugs.

You see, I hate Ladybugs.

Awww....yes that loveable little Ladybug. Ordinarily I would never give Ladybugs a second thought, but things changed six years ago when I moved into my house. Like clockwork every year when the leaves start to change color on the trees and fall sets in, so do the Ladybugs. I'm not talking about a few here and there, I'm talking about a couple hundred in my house. Ladybugs stick around on the walls, windows, ceiling, light fixtures....pretty much everywhere.

When it first happened six years ago, I didn't know to handle them. I tried spraying them with flying insect spray. They laughed. They mocked me by flying through the spray with ease only to make love on my curtains and multiply again.

Next came the vaccuum cleaner. I would suck those little guys up but by the next day they would be back again. Could they be making love inside the vaccuum? Damn those horny bastards!

I asked people at work if they had the same problem and many said the same thing was happening to them. They went on to tell me that the government had purposely released the Ladybugs to help combat the Gypsy Moth. I could not believe what I was hearing. Big Brother had got me once again. I didn't know what a Gypsy Moth was, but I would rather have one as a pet than run a brothel for Ladybugs.

Here's what Wikipedia says about Ladybugs or Coccinellidae:

Because they are useful, colourful, and harmless to humans, coccinellids are typically considered cute even by people who hate most insects. Some people consider seeing them or having them land on one's body to be a sign of good luck to come, and that killing them presages bad luck.

What a joke. Try watching T.V. with a Ladybug smacking you in the face every five minutes. Good luck my ass. Or try sleeping when all of the sudden you feel some little creepy thing run across your neck. Oh hell no!

I had had enough. It was time for the big artillary.

It's called Concentrated Deep Roach Fogger by Raid. And it works. The only bad thing is that it takes about five days worth of setting off these bombs to get them all. I set one off before I go to work in the morning and pray that Abby naps with her tongue inside her mouth for a change.

A quick search of Ebay brought up over 6,000 Ladybug items. Hats, shirts, Halloween costumes, jewelry...it's all there for sale. People love to buy stuff covered in Ladybugs.

Well I've seen the real thing.

And you can keep it.

Carnival of Cinema

2006-10-06T16:14:00.000-04:00

The second episode of The Carnival of Cinema is up and running. Here is the link:

Click me

I have a post up there as does fan favorites MCF and Darrell at Filmgeeks. Hope you enjoy the posts.

2006-10-05T22:52:00.000-04:00

Frank Miller's 300

Click link and enjoy.

2006-10-02T20:19:00.000-04:00

Words Lost On Moon Surface!

It looks like one of the most famous quotes in the history books just got changed. Neil Armstrong's "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" has just been wiped from the history books. It seems that English teachers everywhere have given Mr. Armstrong a hard time about the lack of an "a" before man.

When he returned from the moon back in 1969, Neil stated that he did indeed say "Thats one small step for a man...." but the rest was lost when it was transmitted. Well now a White and Nerdy computer programmer has discovered the missing "a" and thus changed history as we all knew it.

Personally, I don't like it one bit. I mean, this is one of the few quotes I actually knew.

So I thought I'd make a list of quotes that I like and that I hope people never change:

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
- Sharon Stone

"If it doesn't matter who wins or loses then why do they keep score?"
-Vince Lombardi

"Vote early and vote often."
- Al Capone

"Well done is better than well said."
- Benjamin Franklin

"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson Chairman of IBM, 1943

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H. M. Warner founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"My two best assets are my arm, my legs, and my brain."
-Michael Vick QB Atlanta/VA Tech

"I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda

2006-09-28T19:52:00.000-04:00

New Weird Al Video

O.K., so I'm at work today and I call my wife who I haven't seen for three days because I've had to work 16 hour days and she says that she saw my video today.

I'm like "What video?"

She goes on to tell me that Weird Al Yankovic has a new music video out that parodies the Riding Dirty song. She says it's totally about me.

After watching the video, I have to say that I got agree and it's hysterical. I love this video. Check it out.

2006-09-24T18:56:00.000-04:00

Back From Vacation

It's hard to believe I haven't had a vacation yet this year. Mrs. Otis and I like to get our Christmas shopping done early and usually go to Williamsburg VA to shop. This year we decided to go to the outlets in PA instead.

When we arrived at our hotel we were shocked to find out that the American Idol tour was in town. Suddenly our hotel was flooded with Taylor Hicks fans. You cannot imagine the horror.

People actually wrote on their cars: "American Idol", "We love you Taylor", and so on. Now I can understand it if you are a fan of the show, but how can anyone be this guy's groupie?

Thank goodness his father Frank wasn't there too.

Anyway, since we spent most of our days eating chocolate and shopping, we didn't have too many run-ins with the Karaoke Idol crowd.

Hersheys Chocolate World was O.K. You take a tour that shows you how they make chocolate and they give you a crappy candy bar at the end.

Honestly the cigarette tours in Winston Salem NC are better, and I don't even smoke. They do however have a really nice snack bar.

See anything you like?

We settled on ordering two small sundaes.

This is what two small sundaes look like in Chocolate World.

I think Richard Dreyfuss made this one. -------------------------->

And here is proof that I am a bottomless pit.

Sundaes check in, but they don't check out!

Well actually they do check out, but I'd rather not talk about that.

We did pass on the 5lb. Hershy Bar. I mean if it was a giant Reese Cup or Twix, I sooo would have bought it. But what do you do with 5lbs. of chocolate? It's almost a sin. People in biblical times would probably have melted it down and made a chocolate bull out it. It's just wrong.

We did manage to see some Amish people on our trip. I didn't take many pictures of them because it just seemed weird. I mean, they aren't freaks, they're just different. Plus I wasn't sure if they would think I was trying to capture their soul and come over and smash my camera. Don't be fooled, the Amish can be brutal.

I found myself strangely attracted to this neon sign. It's kind of an oxymoron in itself.

I've got some complaints about PA that I will get to in later posts but I do have one last pic.

I had hoped to catch one of those rascally Amish people at the electronics section of a store and this was the best I could do.

LOOK! She's using the electronic photo lab thing! That counts right?

Looks like I managed to capture one soul on this trip.

2006-09-18T17:08:00.000-04:00

I'm not quite dead yet

I don't leave town for my vacation till Tomarrow (Tuesday) morning but I can't wait to get the hell out of here.

I have had the worst day ever today. I won't get into the details but lets just say I've had a shovel in my hand and I smell like a septic tank. Somebody clean this keyboard already!

I try to keep this blog positive at all times because nobody wants to hear some shmuck they don't even really know cry about how bad his day went. So here's something I worked on last night:

I Can Die A Happy Man

Quick story: Several years ago, well A LOT of years ago, I saw the coolest music video ever. I don't know who the artist was. I don't know what the name of the song was. All I know is that I was watching MTV and they played the damn video, and I loved it.

You know it was a long time ago because I saw the video on MTV, and they don't show videos anymore. Anyway, I remember that Matt Pinfield was the host.

If you don't know who Matt Pinfield is, he kinda looks like Uncle Fester's long lost son. But his voice sounds like he eats razor blades and light bulbs. Wait a minute, Uncle Fester DID eat razor blades and light bulbs.

I had asked everyone I knew if they had any idea what video it was and noone could tell me. So I thought the only way to find out was to ask Matt Pinfield himself. Lets face it, that man never forgets anything. He's like Darrell multiplied by infinity. That man doesn't just introduce videos, he tells you who produced it, what year they wrote it, who did backing vocals, and what color underwear they had on that night.

So I searched high and low on the web for an email address for Matt Pinfield.

No luck. I looked for like two days straight and found nothing. I just gave up.

Well last night I went onto Youtube.com and put in a couple of keywords and five minutes later I found the video!

Now, watch this:

Cool huh?

The groups name is Cibo Matto which means "I will not love you long time" in Japan. The song is "Sugar Water" which means "Pepsi" in Japan.

The director of the video said that the song reminded him of a palindrome, so he came up with the idea of a visual palindrome told in one take on two sides of the screen.

As for the song, I like it. I feel like I'm somehow watching one of my own dreams and the humming of laa, laa, la...... is just kinda soothing at the same time. It's a little hard to put into words.

Anyway, after the day I've had today, I need this video.

2006-09-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

Otis goes on vacation

Just wanted to let everyone that reads my blog (all three of you) know that I will be on vacation this week and will be out of town so there is no need to check for new posts until I get back on Friday.

I hope to take some pictures of my lovely wife eating chocholate and hopefully find one Amish guy in the electronics section of a department store.

You'll never guess where I'm going.

2006-09-14T17:19:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Mrs. Otis!

It was my lovely wifes 29th birthday again last weekend and we celebrated with a big family get together. My wifes family makes a big deal over birthdays, something that my family quit doing whenever you turned twelve years old. I guess I've gotten used to the constant birthday parties by now. If anything, it's an excuse to get a good meal and a peice of cake!

Since my wife would be opening presents in front of everyone, I wanted to do something clever for a gift. This is where I need to give a little back story:

My wife is really, really skinny. But she is also obsessed with her weight. I'd shed more light on this but since she might read this, and I don't want to sleep on the couch, I'll stop here.

When we registered for wedding gifts, I wouldn't let her sign us up for a scale. I told her that as long as we were married, she would never have a scale in our house. We've been married for two years now and I've stuck to that rule.

That all changed at the birthday party.

You see, I found this website that sold this very unique scale. It's called a celebrity scale and it has no weights on it. Instead it has the name of various celebrities, both real and fictional.

When my wife opened the gift, she was very confused, thinking that it was a regular scale. I can still hear her half-hearted "Thanks honey." as she pondered how crappy this gift was.

In a panic, I shouted out to the crowd that it wasn't a normal scale. "It's a celebrity scale," I shrieked, hoping to save face. I quickly explained that there were no weights, just names on the scale.

And then it happened.

The scale was placed on the floor and people came. It was like I plowed over a cornfield in Iowa and put a baseball field there. For reasons they couldn't even fathom, people stood on that scale and for a brief moment....became famous.

I was instantly transformed into Costello of Abbot and Costello fame.

Luckily I'm six foot two.

My wifes nephew was Gary Coleman. How cool is that!!?

His mother was not so fortunate as the words Ricki Lake formed on the scale when she tried it. That's o.k. because two guys received the dreaded Eric Cartman weight. Screw you guys, they're going home.

Some of the funniest weights that nobody achieved:

Baby Jesus
Oliver Twist
Oliver Twist after more
Stephen Hawkins sans wheelchair <----- a personal favorite

And I just missed landing on Mr. T.
There's something you don't hear everyday.

I did manage to snap a picture of my wifes feet as she stood on the scale. You may have to click the picture to make it big enough to read.

Needles to say, she finally can't complain about her weight!

2006-09-12T18:12:00.000-04:00

M.C.F.A.T. volume 16

This will actually be my first MCFAT ever so while realizing how exciting this must be for everyone reading this, here is my list!

1) What's your worst and/or funniest drinking experience? If you never drink, it can be about someone you know, and if you don't know anyone, move on to the next question.

O.K., first off I should say that I hate drinking stories. The main reason is because we all have one, and they all end pretty much the same. We know, you were loaded...Ha Ha! Oh man, you didn't drink that and puke on the cat did you? Ha Ha.

So I think I'll do something a little different. I will explain why my nickname is Otis.

That's right, my true name is not Otis. My story goes like this:

I work in a very industrial place call a paper mill. The only people who are employed at this mill are greasy backward hicks with poor hygiene.

They are my people.

Anyway, starting way back in 1902 when the mill was built, people who worked there were given nicknames. Since the mill has about 1,500 emplyees, it is much easier to remember a guy by his nickname than his real name. People tried extremely hard to assign a nickname to me in my early years at the mill. For about a month they called me Rattlehead because of my Megadeth shirts. It didn't stick. Some of the names they called me were either too embarrassing or vulgar to type. None of them seemed to stick.

So back in the day, I used to drink every weekend. The weekend that includes Thursdays and Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays. So one Friday night I drank a lot and had to be at work at 6 a. m.

I guess it was 10 a.m. when the phone rang. The funny thing was, my roommate answered and tried to lie for me. He said "He's not there? Huh. I don't know where he could be." I took the phone from my roommate and heard the words that nobody wants to hear. They wanted me to come in and work the last four hours. Ouch. So I went in and finished the shift while everyone laughed at me.

Lesson learned.

Three weeks later I did it again. Drink all night. Phone call at 10 a.m. Finish out the shift.

This time however they were ready for me at work. You see, my last name is Campbell. And if you've ever watched The Andy Griffith Show, you know the name of the town drunk is Otis Campbell. Suddenly and un-ceremoniously I was Otis Campbell.

Eight years later, I think it might stick.

2) Inspired by some of the insect images I've seen lately at B13's and Unspace, what are some of your more horrific encounters with the insect world?

I used to be the manager of a Prime Time Rentals. If you aren't familiar with that type of business, basically you rent-to-own aplliances to people that have terrible credit or no way of paying for the item for the life of the loan. You do a lot of repo-ing.

We had to repo a refridgerator one night and drove over to the house. I always found myself to be more embarrassed than the people who were "losing their shit." Anyway, we go into the house and the fridge still has stuff in it. After the renters empty it all out we pull it away from the wall. It was kind of dark in the kitchen but looking behind the fridge I could see a huge hole in the wall. "Wow, this house is falling apart", I thought to myself.

When we pulled the Fridge all the way from the wall, thats when I saw IT. IT was not a hole in the wall. This hole which was as big in diameter as the rubber balls you threw at each other in dodgeball, was a mound of cockroaches. They were just piled up on top of each other.

Then they scurried. And so did we. I've never witnessed two people move a refridgerator faster than what me and my employee did that day. Magnus Von Magnussen couldn't have ran out the door with it faster than we did.

When we got back to the store with it, we just left it at the back door and set off a fogger in it. It stayed there all weekend. The following Monday, we cleaned it up and rented it out again.

3) How would your life differ if you woke up one morning with no arms?

My wife would have to pick the lint out of my bellybutton every morning.

4) Born in the mid 1970s, a lot of the classic rock I've heard used as jingles for beer, trucks, and other appropriate products was my first exposure to those songs. Do you think some of these songs were ruined by becoming advertising elements? What songs from your formative years could you see being sampled for commercials some day, and for what sort of products?

It does disappoint me when artists, especially those that don't need the money, sell out to big industry. Does it ruin a song? Maybe if the commercial is overplayed, but they do that on the radio around here anyway.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: I started blogging on October 13th, 2004. Last year some of you may recall my Best Blog Party Party, guest posts, year in review, and revealing photos. What sort of things should I do for this year's Cloakfest?

I'd like to see more meats on sticks.

2006-09-10T11:17:00.000-04:00

Superman Vid

Just a quick note, I reupped the Superman video below because Lorna pointed out that it was no longer viewable. Thanks for the alert Lorna and I hope you can enjoy it now.

2006-09-07T18:23:00.000-04:00

How Superman Should Have Ended!

Found this today and laughed like hell.

2006-09-07T17:58:00.000-04:00

This is how I felt at work today.

Now that's tired!

2006-09-07T17:21:00.000-04:00

Paris Drunk!

I know this may not shock people but Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI last night.

In the story, it said that Paris blew a .08 which is right at the cut-off for being legally drunk. I actually felt sorry for her because she was right on the fringe of being legal. Granted, there is no excuse for driving drunk, especially if you have the money to get a cab and we know she did.

So now you're wondering where the story is?

Well, my wife loves gossip. She gets People magazine and watches Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and any other show of that ilk.

When I get ready for work in the mornings I always listen to the celebrity gossip news before I leave. My wife always asks me what was on the report before I go.

So I'm getting ready to leave and she asks what was on the report.

Now the following is word for word the conversation we had. I didn't think my wife could be funny at 6:30 a.m. but she came through in a big way.

Wife: "What was on the Hollywood report?"

Otis: " Actually , they had some big news. Paris Hilton got arrested for DUI last night. I actually felt kinda bad for her because do you know what she blew?"

Wife: "The Officer?"

Drive safely everyone.

2006-09-06T20:40:00.000-04:00

The Shmoo!

O.K., I post this only to validate my own memory. I was at work the other day and for some reason The Shmoo popped into my head. I started to discuss The Shmoo with some co-workers and got nothing but puzzled looks.

Am I the only one who remembers The Shmoo?

Well here is the shmoo in all his gelatinous glory.

This was one of those obscure Saturday morning cartoons that was only on the air for one year that I watched as a kid. I found this site that has all you ever wanted to know about The Smoo. Such as:

Did you know that The Shmoo was known to lay eggs and give milk?

Did you know that The Shmoo lived in the Valley of the Shmoon?

Did you know that The Shmoo is the original founder and Grand Poo-Bah of Scientology?

For this and more information about The Shmoo, contact your local library.